I want to tell you a story that demonstrates something I feel very strongly about, both as a teacher and as a parent.
Not long ago I was speaking with a Mom named Mary, who told me her son loved going to Saturday morning services at their local synagogue and singing songs with the congregation.
It was the absolute highlight of his week.
With the best intentions, his main therapists advised Mary to no longer take him there because he would then continue to sing those songs throughout the week and it seemed to take his focus away from some of the learning tasks they were working on.
So, wanting to do what is best for her son, that’s what Mary did. She no longer allowed her son to go to Saturday morning services… and you know what happened?
It was like the light turned off inside of him. His natural shine became dimmer and though he may have done some of his learning tasks, he did them with no heart (so of course his learning was superficial and he was not able to generalize what he was learning).
I suggested that Mary take her son back to services to let him sing his heart out -because each person has a soul and it is his soul that we want to help him shine; this is his unique gift that he was meant to bring to this world.
And THEN, I explained further, you can use this as a medium to teach all kinds of things, like leadership in the community (by leading some of the songs in the congregation), reading (as he follows along with the songs he loves), following directions and being a part of a social group (as he moves through the order of the service with others), etc.
The list is endless.
So, that’s what Mary did.
Several months later she wrote to me saying how much happier he is, how much more engaged he is and how his love for these songs led him to a love for piano.
AND, to everyone’s amazement, he recently performed at an autism charity event that his family held (talk about contributing to the community!).
Sometimes, in our desire to teach a child skills- we end up focusing on all the areas that are most challenging for that child and what can begin to happen is that a child’s natural delight and enthusiasm in the world (i.e. his shiny soul) can begin to slip away or dim.
But the truth is- it is this shiny soul that will drive all meaningful learning and growth for your child.
It is this shiny soul that your child was meant to bring to this world (and I’ll tell ya- the world needs it).
It is this shiny soul that makes your child such an important member of your family.
It is this shiny soul that wants to be seen and when you see/connect with and cultivate your child’s shiny soul, your relationship with your child deepens in ways you never thought possible.
So my question to you is- where does your child’s soul shine?

Article written by TALI BERMAN